DAY 2: The diplomatic career is not something out of this world

Where does this resistance to study diplomacy come from? I realise that I have been using the excuse and justification that I am tired from my daily job and thus it is legitimate to procrastinate my study, thinking that I will do it tomorrow  when I am not "tired". However, by being aware of the fact that I have been using a justification to make me feel better about myself, I see that this does not work and the consequence is bigger than the actually self-willingness to push myself to study regularly. The consequence has been this constant weight within me when I am doing something else, thinking that I should be studying, which means that I am not fully clear within me and completely stable in whatever I am doing.

In my 7 year journey to life I am going to address all these points, considering what I am doing Here with the time that I have. I bring once again the question: where does the procrastination to study come from?

To start with, I see this as a self-sabotage to my decision of giving direction in my Life, my choice to develop myself in this field and career, my resistance to actually live my decisions and become the best of me within/as it. I also see the separation that I have created in me, between the dream of a career in diplomacy and the actual-real-physical steps to make it happen, whereby this idea of a career is a distraction that puts the career itself on a pedestal without critical thinking, without question it and without considering the real change that must occur within me to become a diplomat for Life. Interestingly, my body reacts while I am writing these sentences into overwhelming sensation as if this is just a too big mission for me and that I should simply give up, stop my studies and keep on with my current idea of how things should change in the world without actually changing the relationship with myself first and my relationship with the world systems as a whole.

Isn't my relationship to the world also based on this superficial idea of how things should be better, in peace, stable, green, clean, but as soon as I see the systems within it I get scared and so it seems apparently easy to leave things as it is, until someone gets the courage to clean up the rot systems that are contaminating everything and everyone? But again, isn't this hope in the future just another manifestation of procrastination, believing that "someone" can do something that I cannot, when in fact the same process of self-development must be walked by everyone the same way; even though you may see intellectuals  politicians, Doctors, knowledgeable people that you may trust, that does not necessarily mean that we are in safe hands, because there is something that no one can escape from facing: that is the human mind. Within this, we all will and are facing specific patterns that may condition our self-direction, self-honest and common sense, unless a decision within each one is made as a commitment to life and humanity, to abdicate the ego, the separation, the blame, the fear, the inequality and the polarity that exists within each one of us and that is manifested in this world (between countries for example).

So, if diplomacy was a perfect system would there be still wars in this world, or is diplomacy being sabotaged the same way that we humans sabotage ourselves? Isn't diplomacy a man-made system and thus dependent on the human beings running the system? Why have we thus left the main systems of the world being run/ruined by the minds of egocentricity, inequality, elitism, irresponsibility,of hope and procrastination, starting by each one of us living and participating (directly or indirectly) in all the systems in the world? And finally, are we actually motivated by an idea of a world in peace, or motivated by the money that wars will bring to the pockets of those taking the decisions in the name of the "powerless majority"? But aren't we all motivated by money in our minds, regardless of the scale of the consequence (either a local competition or a global dispute)?

So I start by looking at the patterns/thoughts within my mind, forgiving/forgifting myself and changing myself, to then take the solutions to another level and bring common sense to the problems contaminating this world/Humanity.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that this resistance to study diplomacy is real.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to justify the resistance to study by thinking that other diplomats have had parents or family members in the systems to guide them and thus it was easier for them than it is for me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to perceive diplomacy as a higher career and a superior activity separated from me and from my reality, and thus, I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think of the interactions/systems in this world as separated from me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to feed this idea of superiority of diplomacy so that I could feel superior when saying that I am studying diplomacy!

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to have resistance to actually see the systems within diplomacy/between the countries and the money system, which I see is a way of trying to avoid to see the rottenness of the systems and to put down the illusion that I could have about a magical world peace.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to deliberately participate in the superficiality of wanting to be seen as superior/intellectual to others, without establishing a consistent/solid relationship with myself of working out my fears, questions, concerns, motivations, resistances, my ego and my separation towards others and towards the world.

In this, I realise that the diplomatic career is not something out of this world. Quite the opposite, all the systems that exist in this world are of this world and must be addressed as such. That does not mean that we must become as rot as the systems, but we must become the systems to change it from within, just like we change from the inside. As Sunette says, to be in this world but not of this world, so that we can see the problems without becoming the problem, but rather to become the solution to the problem.

Thus,

When and as I see myself participating in the resistance to calm down, sit and study, I stop the justifications of the mind and I breathe. I remind myself that this is my process and that I am responsible for my direction which implies to physically move myself to live my decision to develop myself in the diplomatic studies (even though this can be applied to every resistance that I may have towards other situations in my Life).

When and as I see myself participating in the justification that is too late and that I have been working all day and that I "need" to rest, I stop and I breathe. I realise that I am the one lying to myself and being the only one responsible for feeding the laziness and procrastination patterns within me.

When and as I see myself thinking of diplomacy/diplomatic systems as something too big for me, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that the overwhelming feeling is an energy of the mind and thus not real, unless I allow myself to become that energy and live that energy. Thus, I commit myself to be aware of such energy of the mind and to physically bring me back to myself out of the mind, to push through the resistance, and to stand equal and one to the diplomatic career.

Based on the principle of compassion and self-honesty of Giving as I Would Like to Receive, I realise that I am giving this opportunity to walk  my Journey To Become Life to then be able to give/dedicate myself to the World/Humanity/Life.

The responsibility of changing myself to the best of me, as Life, is equal and one to the responsibility of changing the world to the best of All, as Life.

Illustration from the blog: http://psydip.blogspot.co.uk/